Monday, 21 May 2012

Orbital - the old me

Image source

Way back in October last year my little Sister called me to tell me that Orbital would be playing at the Corn Exchange in Cambridge and asked if I would like to go, we had been to see them several times before and knew it was a guaranteed good night out.  The old outgoing me really wanted to go but the shy tired me was screaming NNOooooo!  After a few palpatations I went ahead and said yes knowing that I could pull out if I wanted to and forgot all about it.

Fast forward to the bank holiday Monday we had in April and the evening had arrived.  I had spent days before worrying about if I had the confidence and energy to go whilst also pondering on what had happened to the old me who used to go out most weekends.

When I was a child I was always very shy, I was a very happy child but shy with it.  My Mum used to make me go to several clubs to try and give me more confidence and it did work a little but that shy me was still there.  I went on to Secondary School where I was bullied for quite some time but managed to get through that and meet some lovely thuggish friends who used to protect me :-)  Nothing like having your own bouncers to give you a little more confidence :-)  Fast forward a few more years and I had met my future husband and was out pubbing and clubbing it with our mates most weekends,  I got a fab job that I didn't even dream I would get and was feeling a whole new level of confidence.

I had my first child in my mid 20s, life stayed very similar to how it had ever been at this point but when I had my second child 19 months later I think this is when my confidence started to reduce and the old shy me returned.  Looking back it was probably tiredness, the reduced amount of socialising and lots of new scary experiences like the little ones starting pre-school, then school etc that reverted me back (goodness you really do feel the tension of new things like that for your children don't you).    I could feel the old me coming back a bit when my youngest was about 4 but then fell pregnant with my littlest one.  Exhaustion set in again and 4+ years on she is only just showing signs of sleeping through so I am just about seeing signs of the past, confident me returning .

Goodness, sorry I digressed a lot there ! The night before the concert my middle child was ill and spend all night in our bed with tummy pains, after many wakings and getting up at 1am running a bath for her etc we finally got a little sleep.  The day of the concert I really wasn't sure if I was going to be able to go , I was so tired and felt sick with nerves and exhaustion.  The time ticked by and it was time to get ready, I could do it, no I couldn't  - I was constantly struggling with myself to push myself to go.   I got in the car and started to drive there listening to an Orbital CD to rev me up.  Ooohhh I was getting excited, the old me was coming back :-)  I walked to meet my sister who gave me a big hug and we went in to meet her mates and my Uncle and Cousin - the vibe was great and the old me was back.  After some comical warm up lunges in the entrance hall we went to find our spot, we walked towards the stage, then further towards the stage and then we got to the front - eeekk could I cope with a mosh pit :-s

The lights dimmed, two men with head lights (so they can see their decks) arrived on stage, the crowd cheered and the music slowly started building up until we could feel the base giving us chest compressions.  I could feel every hair on my face move in time with the music (didn't know I had such a hairy face!), never before have I experienced such a heavy base. At this point my Sister asked if I was OK or did I want to move back (we were standing right next the the 7ft high speakers :-)), thinking she was just worrying about me and not wanting to ruin her fun I said I was fine.    We then did a toilet visit at which point she told me she really wanted to move as the base was making her feel sick - I thought I was just being uncool  feeling the same way :-)

We moved further back in the crowd and found a fab dancing spot.  One young women seemed to be rather annoyed at our new dancing spot and dropped a drink down my sis and kept punching me in the back whilst dancing.   A peak in the music and a pogo style dance move whilst moving back slightly seemed to sort that issue out and she moved - hhmm I hope her toes weren't too bruised ;-)  I danced for 2 hours non stop - the old me was well and truly back that night  :-)  I wish I had done more warm ups now, I pulled muscles I didn't even know I had lol.  I am looking forward to meeting the new/old me more often as time moves on and little Sweetpea begins to finally sleep better.

PS Any of my mates reading this will think I am writing about another person :-) I am not shy in most of my every day life but when I get invited out to events the old shy me pops up and I have a real battle with her :-)  Aren't humans funny creatures :-) x

If you have never heard of Oribital here is one of their tracks :


  1. what a fab post! Love the idea of your facial hair dancing! And that you needed to warm up beforehand...note to self!!!
    fee x

  2. It's years since I went to a concert like that, and I fear I'm a bit too old now. You did bring back lots of memories - defensive dancing! Yes! We have tickets to the folk festival which isn't going to be anything like that, but should be a lot of fun - and will be my girls' first live music experience - can't wait.

  3. my other half also loves Orbital. Glad you had a good time! x

  4. Never really knew/know names of dance music but love dancing to it. Let me know next time I'd love a bit of PO going!! Hope your muscles have recovered, Ax

  5. That should have read pogo ing. x

  6. Sounds like an ace night out. Lets hope there is more to come. xx

  7. Sounds like an ace night out. Lets hope there is more to come. xx

  8. Good for you spurring yourself to go. I know that feeling, just before an event. Sounds like a great evening.

  9. OMG this takes me back. I love this kind of music, and will still happily dance to the recent stuff too. Did you like The Beloved?
    It was interesting to read about the shifts and flows of your feelings too. I think life was a lot less complicated when we were younger, or maybe we just think too much nowadays! I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway, despite the aching muscles, it sounds like it was a great night!

  10. Welcome back to the old but still very much alive and kicking Zoe!

    Beautifully written post with which I could identify enormously. It's all about context isn't it? Yesterday when I too my son to his guitar rehearsal I spotted my daughter's flute teacher (in his late forties) jumping into his car with a couple of colleagues, winding down his window, a cigarette hanging out and a big smile on his face and I thought to myself; 'goodness you look just like the student you must have been when young'. It was lovely.

    Glad to see you had a great time and well done!


    ps Incase you have a moment I have just posted about my latest two rabbits!

  11. Hi lovely Zoe, so pleased you had a great night out (in the end ;)), loved hearing about you pogo-dancing and having a bit of an argy bargy with some old misery guts. God, those were the days, I feel about a hundred and ten now .. and I really want to party all of a sudden too :)
    So pleased to hear you got a result with the tendonitis doc, what a cheeky thing saying you had your mate's exercises .. tut tut. Anyway I think you look drop dead gorgeous in your splints but all the same, I hope they're doing their job and you're out of them soon. Thanks ever so for the lovely mention, feeling a bit guilty I've just noticed it. I blame Blogger, I can't get to grips with finding new posts ..
    Kate xox

  12. I relate to so much of this post Zoe. It is so good for your soul to get out of your comfort zone a bit every now and then, and reclaim a bit of the pre-kids you! I've been doing a bit of that myself lately, and even though I think it's going to kill me at the time, after I've done it my confidence soars! It's great to remind yourself every now and then that you ARE a person too, not just a Mum.

  13. I loved this post, I so hear what you are saying & understand where you are coming from.
    I have periods where I struggle & often feel small myself - not easy when you are 5ft8. Yet at work I am confident & secure....

    Loved the Orb



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